an open letter to our neighbours

Dear No. 6,

To those who live in the flat above us. We hate you. You'll probably never read this, but it makes us feel better to get it off our collective chests.

We can't stand the fact that you play a remixed version of 'Last Night a DJ Saved My Life' over and over again. Have you no other music in your record collection? Or your demonstrable fear of being alone - must you always be on the telephone if you're in the house. Don't get me wrong, we love a party. But 3.30am on a Tuesday morning is not the time to piss off your neighbours. And no, we don't get off listening to you shag your numerous lady friends.

So from all of us at no. 4 to all of you at no. 6, this middle finger up is all for you.

Yours sincerely,

No. 4

PS Your girlfriend is faking it.